Friday, August 14, 2009

Dump the Mounds...

Dear Dr. Loves-Candy-Bars,

My girlfriend is sweet, and very nice, but is never exciting... what should I do to spice this up?

-Bored in Birmingham

Dear Bored in Birhingham,

Your girlfriend sounds like a complete Mounds:

She's totally nice, has a nice sweet exterior and a mildly exotic, but bland, interior. And look, that might just be the way she is. A very boring girl, that you would probably not throw away, but you wouldn't eat her first if she was in your trick-or-treat bag.

No, you sound like the person who needs that little extra bite. You need an Almond Joy:

The difference is a slight, but makes all the difference. You want someone a little more crazy... a little more flavorful... someone who won't just sit there and stare at you when you want to get all crazy and knock over a 7-11.

Almond Joy's will help you knock over a 7-11.

So just remember, sometimes you don't just feel like a nut... sometimes it's what your heart needs. Also, Almond Joys are much better in the sack.


Dr. Loves-Candy-Bars

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